Bromance, Not Growmance?

Ok, so it's a lame title. But 'tis definitely a question of the times. I can guarantee you that every young woman has pondered variations of the following two questions:

1. What's up with the bromance? and
2. Where do I fit into the bromance equation?

Men, before you jump on me with answers that sound something like "uh" and "duh," can you let me try to answer these?

Let's start with question number two. Ladies, it's a bromance for a reason. That would imply that the following is true: bro + romance = bromance. Stating the obvious? That's because it is. Bromances can only occur between bros and must, absolutely must, exclude the uterus-bearing sex at all times. Men need their time to talk about sports, current events, exploits of sorts, not to mention time to grunt, scratch balls, and slap male booty indiscriminately. The reason why we women cannot and should not participate in this totally hetero tango is because men still need the time to be themselves. As much as you want to believe that you are all that your man needs, you know damn well that you're lying to yourself. Give each other some space and know that you're doing the right thing.

The answer to that question may seem obvious, but I see friends struggle through this issue all the time. For example, how about a true story? Here's a young couple, in love and in a perpetual honeymoon state. They rarely make separate appearances and even go to the restroom together. Um, ick? Space is important, especially regarding matters of the toilet. Albeit, this example is certainly an extreme case. The moral of the story is that participants in couples should have their own lives, own friends, own hobbies, not to mention their own toilet schedules.

So what's the remedy? Ladies--continue having your ladies' nights. Gentlemen--continue having boys' nights out. Staying connected at the hip is a sure way of suffocating each other and potentially driving each other away.

Onward to question numero uno. This one I find to be tough and impossible to answer. Throughout time, famous bromances have allowed us to redefine what kind of relationships are appropriate between completely heterosexual males. We all have an idea what a bromance is and how it looks like, but maybe the best means of describing it is better left to mentioning noteworthy examples. Here are a few of them--Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson; Wayne and Garth; Bill and Ted; Notorious B.I.G. and P. Diddy; House and Wilson; and Siegfried and Roy...? Ok, maybe the last one isn't so hetero, but you get the picture.

The reason why I bring this up is because of the strange dynamic between men in these bromances. Men seem completely open to divulging any matter regarding superficial interests but hiss at the thought of sharing feelings and their innermost thoughts at the risk of sounding emo. That's what I don't get--what's wrong with sounding emo with the best of your buds? Isn't that the point of the almighty bromance--to establish a safehaven for each other, where you can be yourself and not worry about being judged?

Take for example a group of men well into their twenties. They discuss sports, politics, work, new cooking techniques, and the like--but fail to ever discuss their relationships with women. Men, what is it that you're afraid of, exactly? Are you afraid of being judged based on who you're dating or pursuing? Or am I missing the picture, and do you purposely omit your dating details for the sake of keeping your romantic relationship sacred, free of insightful comments like "no way my girlfriend would do that" and "that's what she said?" Or rather, is it competition, or fear of competition? And if so, with whom?

Whatever the reason for the bromance-related emotional ambiguity, the end result seems to point to stunting in emotional growth and well-being. Such issues then beg the following question--if we as women can't expect you to connect deeply with each other--nonetheless yourselves--how can we expect you to connect with us at all? I know men well into their 30s still trying to figure this one out.

Men, are we as women then forever doomed to wonder about the kind of emotional baggage and inhibitions you carry with you? Or do things eventually start to click? Please tell me this happens before the age of 30 and that the 30-year-old men I know of are just bozos and completely unrepresentative of your gender. Otherwise, the only men in my life that are going to remain are either one of two things (or both): relatives or gay. Tragic? I know.

Sincerely curious and definitely not male bashing,

Shopgirl.