The Emergence of the 30-year-old Virgin

A good girlfriend of mine is dating a man who I can only describe as a 30-year-old virgin. Don't let his title fool you--he is an intelligent and charming fellow who seems fully capable of bedding a woman. And yet, he has chosen to wait for sex until marriage.

Commendable? Of course. Bizarre? Absolutely. Nowadays, voluntary asexuality is perceived as either a myth or consequence of denial. It's like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and fat-free, zero-guilt dessert. We all hope and want such things to exist though more often than not admit that none of the above could ever possibly just be.

The question now is--why? I don't know many women who are still virgins, so why should I expect the infamously more promiscuous sex to differ?

As we grow up, we're socialized into gender roles and the types of behaviors that we're expected to exhibit. While men learn to become the pursuers, women learn to become the pursued. (Yes, I'm generalizing.) In high school, boys discuss which girls they are going to ask to the Prom, while girls wait anxiously to be asked. (In American society, it's become normal to assume that men have become the aggressive hunters while women assume a more passive role in courtship. Of course, these expectations have changed over time, and these changes have become more transparent over time. Women can mostly agree that we play an integral role in courtship. As in--it's a fallacy to assume that we just lay back and take it!) In our twenties, we hang out at trendy bars and clubs, where young women such as myself can usually expect Mr. Wrongs/Mr. Right-Nows to spit out pick-up lines more stale than their dirty underwear.

So where am I going with this ramble? Women are used to being pursued by men. Empirical evidence suggests that pursuits are usually for sexual advancement. The emergence of the "bro" and the "guido" have only worsened the cause. That said, herein lies the confusion--how can women tell if a man is sincerely nice or is being nice to get into our chonies?

Guys have a bad rep. Even nice guys have a bad rep, by virtue of their gender. So men, how do you overcome the growing cynicism directed towards you from the fairer, lovelier sex? And women, how do we learn to trust our chivalrous counterparts?

Looking forward to Single Awareness Day 2010,
Shopgirl.